Hope

The majority of June has been really rough for me. Travis left for his two week military training at the beginning of the month, and depression hit me hard this go around. I became a recluse while he was gone, not leaving the house to even get the mail from the mailbox. The only time I stepped outside was to go to my karate classes in the evenings...Thank heavens for karate! I let myself go, let the house and yard go, and barely took care of the kids. I ate nothing but junk (gaining 10-15 lbs as a result), stayed up way to late watching shows on netflix, didn't do ANY cleaning, resulting in a very stinky house, didn't water or weed my flowerbeds which were my babies before, and stuck the kids in front of movies all day. The ugliness of depression was all around and was abounding. It got so bad that I had suicidal thoughts, freaked me out enough to at least let Travis know how badly I was doing. I hit rock bottom, and couldn't seem to find my way up.

I am very blessed to have amazing people in my life who see me at my worst, and love me anyways. Because of these sweet angels, I made it through the time Travis was away. When Travis got back, everything felt better, at least for the first few days. And then the realization and guilt of how much I neglected EVERYTHING while he was away hit. And although I had my up days, the depression still lingered.

I had a rough day yesterday...I didn't feel like going to church, so I didn't go, and then I beat myself up all day about it. But this morning I woke up feeling a sense of hope! It's a new day, and I have the ability to make it a great day. AND June is over!! Tomorrow is a new month, and I am going to make it a whole lot better than June!