Hope

The majority of June has been really rough for me. Travis left for his two week military training at the beginning of the month, and depression hit me hard this go around. I became a recluse while he was gone, not leaving the house to even get the mail from the mailbox. The only time I stepped outside was to go to my karate classes in the evenings...Thank heavens for karate! I let myself go, let the house and yard go, and barely took care of the kids. I ate nothing but junk (gaining 10-15 lbs as a result), stayed up way to late watching shows on netflix, didn't do ANY cleaning, resulting in a very stinky house, didn't water or weed my flowerbeds which were my babies before, and stuck the kids in front of movies all day. The ugliness of depression was all around and was abounding. It got so bad that I had suicidal thoughts, freaked me out enough to at least let Travis know how badly I was doing. I hit rock bottom, and couldn't seem to find my way up.

I am very blessed to have amazing people in my life who see me at my worst, and love me anyways. Because of these sweet angels, I made it through the time Travis was away. When Travis got back, everything felt better, at least for the first few days. And then the realization and guilt of how much I neglected EVERYTHING while he was away hit. And although I had my up days, the depression still lingered.

I had a rough day yesterday...I didn't feel like going to church, so I didn't go, and then I beat myself up all day about it. But this morning I woke up feeling a sense of hope! It's a new day, and I have the ability to make it a great day. AND June is over!! Tomorrow is a new month, and I am going to make it a whole lot better than June!

Insomnia

Karsen came upstairs crying around 2:45 a.m., so I got him settled on the floor by our bed, and then climbed back in bed to get some more slumber...it is now 3:15, and I have realized that sleep is eluding me. As I lay in bed, I kept thinking about my blog and how its time to start documenting our life again! I recently read a list of things successful people do, that really caused me to think, and one item on the list was writing in their journal daily. I don't care so much about worldly success, but I do want to be the best version of myself, and I know that journaling is very important. Over the next little while, I plan to go back and document the last two and a half years of our lives, and try once again to blog daily! Wish me luck...here we go!!! But for right now, I'm going to try to get some sleep!!